


am i asleep am i awake (or somewhere inbetween)

by housewife



Category: DREAM!ing (Video Game)
Genre: (who do u think i am lmao), Character Study, Light Angst, M/M, rated t for cussing i just dont wanna be sniped its g otherwise, senri is 100 percent gay in this fic if thats not clear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 16:06:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19479352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/housewife/pseuds/housewife
Summary: It’s easy to pretend that those type of feelings don’t exist when she insists they go out together every lunch break, and when she first kisses him anxiously under the sakura on their one month anniversary.In which Senri loves, lies, and mixes them both.





	am i asleep am i awake (or somewhere inbetween)

**Author's Note:**

> dont think too hard about this its mainly a word dump but i love yumasen so :/

The jokes start when Senri is nine.

She’s the daughter of a family friend, a year younger, with big bright eyes and curly black hair. Her eyes sparkle when Senri shows her his impressive collection of dinosaur toys, and he laughs whole-heartedly when she makes one of her figurines ride a brachiosaurus into a wall.

“What a ladies man,” his aunt says as she ruffles his hair in the doorway when he goes to leave. “You totally had a crush on her.”

The thought puts a sour taste in his mouth. He’s still young, but he’s seen what a ‘crush’ is on tv and heard about it on the radio. He’s heard his classmates whispering about who they like, giggles and teasing sprinkled inbetween their words, but he doesn’t really get it. His face doesn’t feel warm when he thinks about her, and he doesn’t find himself particularly wanting to hold her hand or kiss her on the cheek.

When he gets home, he takes one quick look at the brachiosaurus before deciding it frustrates him too much. He stares into its little eye apologetically for a moment before putting it into a box under his bed.

-

When Senri turns twelve, he grows familiar with the butterflies in his stomach and the rapid beating of his heart.

There’s a boy, in his class, with blue eyes and a smile that rivals the shine of the sun. He has big round glasses and slicked back brown hair.

Senri is in love.

So he shows up to school one day with chocolates he stole from the candy bowl in some directors meeting he got dragged to and a ribbon-tied letter with chickenscratch handwriting accenting the front. ‘ _For Tetsu-chan,’_ the envelope reads, inside a red crayon heart. It’s cute, it’s charming, it’s going to be the key to this boy’s heart. Senri is ecstatic.

After school, he finds Tetsu-chan walking down the hall linking pinkies with some 2nd year girl. Senri’s heart breaks and the tears well up behind his eyes like he’s going to die.

He’s glad nobody is home to hear him rip up the letter later that night.

-

When Senri turns thirteen, he realizes how simple it is to fall into this routine.

Girls are easy to work with. They confess to him in bunches and pull him over outside of class with sheepish grins and pink stained cheeks.

He gets his first girlfriend right before Christmas of his 1st year. She’s pretty and nice enough, he thinks, and her most attractive quality is how she stops the pointed glares he gets when he’s caught staring at the new boy with the infectious laughter and pretty hands. It’s easy to pretend that those type of feelings don’t exist when she insists they go out together every lunch break, and when she first kisses him anxiously under the sakura on their one month anniversary.

She breaks up with him on their two months. She accuses him of being too distracted and zoned out when they’re together, but he can’t even argue when he knows she’s noticed the blush on his cheeks whenever the class rep smiles at him.

If he cared any more, (which, he doesn’t), he would be embarrassed about how jumbled the lie comes out when he tells her it’s just because of the start of his acting career.

-

When Senri is fifteen, he actually falls in love.

Yuma is everything he’s ever wanted. He’s caring, a bit of an airhead, and carries with him the prettiest smile and the gentlest hands Senri has ever known.

He’s also his best friend in the whole world.

And if he felt dejected after Tetsu-chan from middle school, or the ten other boys he’s fallen in love with and then immediately gotten over along the way, Yuma would be the one to rip out his heart and take it for good.

But Yuma says he cares about him, with stars in his eyes and the weight of the world in his hands. He takes Senri to picnics and dinners and movie nights in his dorm. He rests his head on Senri’s shoulder and lets Senri rest on his, he holds his hand in the middle of the night and brushes his hair behind his ear when he’s crying, he takes Senri’s pining heart and simultaneously rips it apart and tapes it back together with the strength of his friendship.

He wants to believe that Yuma likes him back, he really does, but when Yuma leaves and Senri is left alone it’s harder to pretend that it’s there. Even when Bakaomi teases him about it, or Touji murmurs “Oh, the marvels of young love…” the little bastard voice in his head tells him to run.

To run far, far away.

So when a girl from the regular course asks him out, of course he says yes. It’s easier to bury his feelings under a tasty dinner and the bragging caption of an Instagram post than just under the yelling in his head. ‘ _I love you as a friend!!_ ’ he writes, when he sends Yuma a letter later that week, and he hopes some poorly placed together words can fix how he’s fucked up majorly in the past few months.

When Yuma comes back with Hanabusa-senpai after a week of going MIA, the jealousy sears deep into Senri’s bones. He’s never really liked him all that much, but somehow it turns to hatred when he sees how Yuma’s eyes have changed since he got back. He no longer stays up late with Senri when they watch a scary movie, and he doesn’t kiss him on the forehead in those moments where he’s only half awake.

And Senri, he…

He feels…

Alone.

So, for the first time in his life, he breaks up with his girlfriend, and this time there’s no pathetic excuse of ‘acting’ or ‘school’.

She doesn’t cry, and she doesn’t take it as poorly as he was scared she would, and instead she just looks at him pitifully.

“It’s okay to go after what you want, Nito-kun.” She says as she leaves, and Senri wants to scream. Wants to break something. Because it’s _not_ , it’s _not okay_ , and this random girl he dated for less than a month, (who’s given name he can barely even remember), would have no idea what he’s been going through for the past few months.

-

But Senri is still young, and still dumb, and has been stupidly oblivious to the serious things since he was a toddler, so of course he doesn’t get to see the whole picture.

When Yuma asks him to go stargazing on the rooftop he pays it no mind. He doesn’t pay special attention to the warmth of Yuma’s hand, and he doesn’t think too hard about the fingertips that brush against his forehead as Yuma leans in closer. He doesn’t react to the warm breath on his neck, (Well, as much as he can. He’s still just a teenager with a stupidly intense crush.), and he tries his best to make sure his breath doesn’t catch when he feels Yuma give him a small kiss on his nape. They’ve always been close and physically affectionate.

_‘You’re in love with him, you’re the one who…’_

“Yumapii…?”

“Nito. I like you.”

Senri’s heart stops.

“Ahahaha, Yumapii!! I love you too!!” Senri smiles and he knows, he knows that he’s running again but this is a place he’s promised he wouldn’t get to, and-

“Really…?” Yuma looks at him under the light of the night sky and Senri suddenly wants to take it all back. He looks… happy. Relieved. “I’m so glad, Nito.”

Yuma is always there to pull him back.

**Author's Note:**

> i think that for myself as a person it's hard for me to seriously write characters as "in love" or saying "i love you" like from the bottom of their heart but i think senri tends to rush into it more often than not. i think he says it about every crush but i think yuma is his real first love :D


End file.
